Ce qui est passé a fui; ce que tu espères est absent; mais le présent est à toi

I guess its about time I learned to spread my wings and fly without looking back. It is about time I shacked off regrets and resents from my wings, those feelings that sometimes lean so heavy against my akin body.

what is done is done. it is dead and buried.

though i am doing great i do have moments of sadness. and i feel them like stones on my chest. and the rip little shreds of my recently mended heart. but its ok. i know what one by one they will fall off leaving a lighter heart. i know that i will find my way and i will hold some body's hand on this so called road. i know i will always be true to myself and others. and i know that if i have faith i will keep going as far as possible.

i did make mistakes. and making mistakes. probably will make more. perfection is subjective. my perfection may not resemble your perfection. that's the beauty of it all. imperfect is perfect, to me. just accept that perfection is actually imperfection and you will accept life easier.

we always spend life waiting. always waiting. never resting. waiting for the next payday, waiting for work to end, waiting for vacations, waiting for the person next to us to change, waiting for the rain to stop, the bus to come, the sun to rise, the phone call, the signs. we are always waiting for something. once we have it we move on to waiting for something else.

yes, what we wait for is always absent. its never there, that's why we die slowly waiting for it, forgetting to enjoy it once we have it, even forgetting how bad we had wanted it before we touched it.

i want to learn to live right here and right now. i want to learn how to breathe here and now. love here and now. because my life is the present moment. what i feel i feel now and here. it then becomes memory. i want to learn to accept now without waiting for tomorrow's yesterday.

i want to learn that yesterday's tomorrow is indeed gone.

no regrets. no unnecessary worries. no mean feelings. no strings attached.

i want to learn to live here and now without needing something. i need to learn to stop waiting.

so my lessons begin :)

for now, ill try not to wait for anything. just be and breathe.

Fall....

Stop... breathe... look... touch...

Colours, scents, life, new begings.

I have always loved fall. Sunny warm fall days when you slightly begin to feel cold. When all nature changes and turns to this imense painting.

When life and death mix toghether in this amazing balance.

When you hold hands and walk the streets, when hugs begin to be warmer and warmer. When coffee and tea always taste better and warm you heart. When you learn to love again the sun you've hated all summer long.

Fall is when you learn to say goodbye. Fall is when another life may begin.

Sit down, have some tea, smoke a cigarrette. Enjoy the birds left and the amazing colours. If you're lucky you can feed squirrels.

Fall is the best companion for loners if you they know how to love it.

I guess i love today. I dont want to make any sense to anybody. Its enough that I make sense for me today

life part 2

Im home in Romania and i'm trying to readjust to the idea that the vacation is over and i need to get back in the saddle.
ok, let me try get back on the previous post. at the time i was writting it i had this whole post in my mind but now i need to rearrange information. - and it doesnt seem to be working in any way :)
god, life is surprising and amazing, u just need to have the guts to live it.
Chrizm :) Chrizm Chrizm... what can I say about meeting him? after talking loads of stuff online i finally got the chance to see his smile, his eyes and gestures. if only for a little while. :) great great guy as i have imagined him to be. :)

England, merry old London, Millton, Leamington...a bit o Bedford (as in a small street) and loads amounts of highway :) smiles, pintes, muzeums, wax, pubs, fish and chips, the tube, scamps, trampoulines, parking lots, busy, running, music, driving on the wrong side of the road, short time, curry, cadbury choc, gray american squirels that took over the English red ones, fast driving, bbc radio & so much more :)

one of the best vacations ever and i am more than happy i did this. and i hope theres more to come, alas, live is made to be lived. at its fullest.
didnt spend much time in london, but then again this trip has shown me that theres more to england than london and there are so many places to see. and yeah, u guessed id like to see them all.
i really liked Leamington, its this cute lil town, peacefull and warm. no way comparred to the agitation and verve in london.
not smoking in pubs or restaurants got a little on my nerves, but i could get used to it eventually. lol
ah learned that a bloke is a guy :)) and that sneakers is the american term for trainners. god i like these pple talk, even when they curse. lets not mention the accents. adorable. :D though when they talk really fast i have to spend one minute to actually process the info. :P
i didint shop at all as per comparisson to my other escapades, must have been somthing wrong with me, i just didint run towards shops as i always do and didint have much time either. yeah, the week wasnt nearly enough, ill have to stay more next time. didint sleep much either but who needs sleep? :)
bottom line: i keep lovin it more and more and now that i have friends there ill just keep wanting to go back more and more :) but untill then gotta live at fullest back home in old romania.
note: proud to be romanian, i love my country, too bad its inhabited. i mean inhabited but the wrong peeps. :P